I keep telling myself I'll change. I keep examining what it is about me that makes me imperfect. I endlessly pursue a way to fill the voids within me. And the moment I stop doing these things is the moment I stop living.
This world has no room for perfection. With perfection comes normality, and with normality comes the end of uniqueness. The purpose of my being is to perpetually pursue a way to unmask the me I want to be. I will never attain self-actualization, but I refuse to stop trying.
Something that has helped me immensely in my process of introspection has been this blog. I've had the chance to have an outlet for my thoughts - thoughts I consider unique. When I first started writing, I expected a small number of people to take note. But when I publicized on social media, the reaction was overwhelming. So many people found my opinions to be so fascinating, and I couldn't quite understand why. After months of pondering this question, I think I've found my answer.
We all have a story. We all have opinions. We all have passions. But not all of us are open, or even able to express these things.
Since I wrote the piece about my best friend coming out of the closet, numerous people, many of whom are Orthodox homosexuals themselves, have reached out to me to compliment my courage.
What courage?
The courage to type a few words onto a computer screen? The courage to express opinions that I know will rile people up? The courage to share my thoughts?
My so-called courage pales in comparison to the courage of out homosexuals living in an often rejectionist Orthodox world. They've undergone introspection that I could never dream of. Their self-confidence is inexplicably superior to mine. They are the ones who deserve to be showered with praise, because they are the ones that motivate me to share these thoughts.
It's not only out homosexuals. It's all of those people who aren't fearful of expressing their beliefs. It's those people who have no shame in who they are and what ideals they stand by. We all have a story to tell, and maybe if each of us shared we'd appreciate what it means to be happy, to be fortunate, far more.
When we share, we have no idea how much of an impact it can have. We may be touching lives on the other side of the globe. By sharing our stories, we are not only letting others in, but we are taking significant strides toward picking apart what makes us, us.
I urge you all to find your voice. To express your opinions. To firmly defend your beliefs. To share your story. You don't know who it could touch. You don't know how many lives you could change.
Have I displayed a sense of courage? Relative to others, I suppose you could make that argument, although I'd likely disagree. But does my openness help me grow as a person? Absolutely.
I love sharing with you all. I love that you value my opinion, or at least care enough to see it. I love how much this blog has impacted some people. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that authoring this blog was one of the most beneficial things I've ever done - beneficial to me, and beneficial to those sufferers who found something they could relate to in my words.
The reason I write so strongly about expression now is because I am just on the heels of receiving my 10,000th view. I wouldn't write if I wasn't inspired to do so. I wouldn't share if I didn't believe in what I was preaching. And I wouldn't have an outlet had you all not given me a chance.
It's with immense excitement that I say thank you for making this endeavor a success. Thank you for hearing my voice, and please stop at nothing to find your own.
